HUM 6930 – The Art of Self Care

Week 1

This week we were asked to identify principle models of ‘Wellness’ and their origins from our assigned reading. We were also given the opportunity to take the Warwick and Edinburgh Wellbeing Scale (WEMWBS) test. I am pleased to that that my WEMWBS score is 65. I knew I was happy before taking the test but did not realize just how happy I actually am.

You see, my life has not always been happy, but 15 years ago I decided it was time for me to take steps that would change my life for the better. This weekend while searching for an empty journal, I found the many journals filled with entries from a woman who was trapped in a loveless marriage due to her spouse's drug and alcohol addiction as well as mental and physical abuse. A woman who had spent 21 years trying to love him and pretend he did not have this terrible problem. A woman who had moved 18 times because he couldn't keep a job, which meant she was always starting over. She had been divorced once already basically for the same reason and she wondered what was wrong with her that she kept choosing this kind of relationship. Now she had a child with this second husband and did not want to raise him alone. Plus she absolutely adored this man's parents. But by 2001, both had passed and the child had left home and she was finally able to say enough is enough and let the marriage go. It was the best thing she had ever done for herself.

Re-reading some of those entries made me realize how wonderful my life is today. I couldn't ask for a better marriage than I now have. We just celebrated 12 very happy years of marriage. With his support, my artwork has flourished, I finished my Bachelor's degree and am now nearly through my Master's program. He has had his health issues lately, but we are closer than ever because we can communicate well and can count on one another to always be there for each other. Because I take that giant leap of faith, I have been able to stay put in a city I love for nearly 18 years now. I have wonderful friends, a job I love deeply and feel more secure than I have ever felt.

One may wonder why I would share such things about myself. Secrets that were kept for years. Living with those secrets is so hard for fear someone would find out is exactly what keeps women in situations they should flee. And no one who hasn't been through it could ever understand why you would stay for so long. I get it and one day plan to write a story about the journey in hopes that my story may change the life of someone else. That it might just give another woman the courage to begin again.

And of course, becoming a grandmother for the first time just 5 short weeks ago brings such joy to my life that I can't even begin to explain it. Watching my son with his little daughter just makes my heart feel so big. And it has brought us, his wife and her parents closer together.

Life is good.

I'm going to be keeping an art journal this semester and may or may not always share what I have written or created here. I don't have any way of knowing what will surface as we go through the lessons. And just like therapy some things must stay in confidence.

This week's creations are posted here along with the first of my wheels of wellness. I'm feeling pretty good about most areas of my wellness wheel but none are a "perfect 10". The area I need to work on the most is my physical health. After taking a fall and re-damaging an already torn rotator cuff, I realize that I need to be more careful and that my arm is weaker than it should be. Making time to exercise need's to become a priority. It used to be my escape and I would work out every day, sometimes twice a day when I worked at a location that had an onsite gym. I was in great shape then and would like to get there again. I have also become interested in meditation again. I tried it when I was much, much younger but couldn't quiet my mind long enough to get the hang of it. I did learn to practice Yoga, which I loved and think that would be a great exercise for me to begin again.

We are working on our home environment to make it more comfortable for us. My husband has serious chronic pain from 2 failed back surgeries along with neuropathy in his toes. So we are adding things like thick carpeting with extra thick padding over top of our terra cotta tile floors and better lighting throughout the house. Plus, last winter destroyed a lot of our plants and I just never replaced them so I am working on that, too.

Then there is the looming presence of my student loan which will need repayment beginning January 2017 as I will graduate at the end of December. The plan I had to repay it has hit a snag due to the lovely economic downturn and super low interest rates. But I know I will figure it out. I managed to get myself out of $60,000 of debt I was left with from my previous marriage, so the $12,000 in student loans will be a piece of cake compared to that.

Finally, here are my 2 art journal creations. I love collage and just playing with color so had a really good time creating these pages. The first is about being happy and feeling well. The second is about my inner child.

I found this Shakespeare quote written in one of my old journals while searching for an empty one and found that it really resonated with me today. I've been thinking a lot about spending more time in nature and have really been enjoying the nice weather the last couple of weeks. Before my husband's back issues we loved to go boating and spent a great deal of time out on the water. I do miss that, but at least I still get to live on the river and enjoy the view along with all the egrets, herons, geese, ducks and the occasional dolphin or manatee. We've had 2 little Carolina Wrens building a nest and it has been a delight to watch them flit too and fro with all kinds of things to add to their nest.

I've learned that I can choose to be happy or well or I can also choose to be unhappy and therefore unwell. I will always lean towards happiness and wellness. It is my natural state and that is where I always want to be.